There’s many things I forget and one of those things is that nobody, but yourself, can make your life for you. This sounds pretty obvious, doesn’t it? Well, I think it’s the simplest of things that we lose sight of. The past few days, I have felt completely unmotivated and stuck. It wasn’t just the “Oh, I’ll get over this,” it was the “I will never amount to anything, I have nothing going for me in my life, everyone else is succeeding except me, I a loser” kind of stuck and unmotivated. It was intense and I can’t remember the last time I felt that depressed. I would cry for no reason, react massively to the littlest of things, and just felt like the world was crumbling at the seams. I know one thing that has triggered it and it is has to do with the month long stomach issues I have been dealing with. It started out as possibly a nerve injury causing my chest pain, to stress, to actually being a stomach problem, to possibly an ulcer, to possibly bacteria in my gut and so on. This has caused me to alter my diet like giving up caffeine (coffee, I miss you dearly sometimes) citrus fruits, spicy things, and other things I love. Some days are better than others and some days the pain is horrid and my stomach looks like I’m nine months pregnant. Let me tell you, with someone who’s had an eating disorder in the past, it is NO joke and really messes with my mind. It’s even more frustrating when you know you already have a healthy lifestyle with great food and exercise and your body is still saying, “Let me mess with you.”
Another thing was that just a few weeks ago, life was crazy. There was so much going on with school, friends, life, traveling home for Christmas for only 2 short weeks, flying back, taking exams, it was all so fast. Now? Things are starting to slow down and without a schedule or things to do/attend, I think it came as a bit of a shock to me. Being a person that has a hard time slowing down, as I talked about in my last post, this sudden slowness had shut me down and made me lose sight of something important. Nobody on this planet can make your life for you. Nobody. Only YOU can create you life. After the support and guidance of some very important people in my life, I realized that right now, I am choosing to sulk and act life my life is nothing. I am choosing to let my thoughts consume me and tell me I’m worthless. It is all my doing. Guess what though? If I dig myself into a dark hole, I can get myself out, too. I think we don’t realize that we can get ourselves out because darkness is sooooo consuming and it is malicious. It’s addicting for all the bad reasons and seeing out of it is almost impossible sometimes. We lose sight of reality really quickly and that’s what I did.
Now, to anyone that has been through this and to anyone who wants to find something that will give them that little boost of power or magic when they need it, I have a little exercise for you that helped me. Don’t judge it until you try it, please.
I want you to picture yourself in the depths of a forest. It’s the most vibrant forest you’ve ever seen. The leaves are lush and the sun is beaming through the branches onto your skin. Look down and see what you’re wearing. Now, start to walk forward. You keep walking forward until you see a small clear blue pond. There are hundreds of animals around it. They are all so excited to see you. They would all love to tell you something, but right now it’s only your spirit animal. So, you ask and your spirit animal steps forward. Now, it may not be an animal you expect, but go with it. Let it come to you and sit down next to him or her. Let them introduce themselves and tell you their name if they’d like. Let them show you a book and open it to a specific page with only a few words on it. A special message just for you, what does it say? Then, your spirit animal decides to give you a token, what is that token? It can be anything. After that, you can ask your spirit animal if he or she would like to come with you and they mostly likely will want to. You get up and leave the pond with your spirit animal. Close your eyes, take one deep breath and let it out. Open your eyes. You have found your spirit animal.
Now, this might seem silly, but let me tell you about mine. My spirit animal is a big Bengal tiger. I was a little surprised because tigers are very brave creatures and I can be the exact opposite a lot of the time. The token he gave me was a sunflower. My favorite flower. This made me realize that deep down, I do have that braveness of a tiger in me, I know I do. Tigers are fierce, but elegant creatures. I am always on that path of finding balance between being at peace and finding that fierceness in me. The sunflower is a symbol of happiness for me. A symbol of my true wild spirit and sadly, I lose sight of that sometimes. In times like the past few days when I let so many other negative things consume me. I needed to get back and as crazy as it sounds, that tiger and sunflower helped me. It reminded me of how much power I have and of who I am.
Find your spirit animal. Create your own life. Let your inner wisdom be your guide.
Here’s the original podcast where this came from. She’s pretty cool. Check her out.