Flowers&Weeds

The sun kisses your cheeks leaving them tinted like a cherry blossom.

Your lungs fill with the sweet..sweet tender air.

You can hear Spring giggling in the breeze, waiting to show herself.

Brother Winter, a time for taking stock, closing doors, and hibernating thoughts.

You realize so much within you that has grown like flowers and some like weeds.

The longer days and warmer air tickle the box of thoughts,

The flowers are begging to grow out and the weeds, like vines, are keeping them encased..

There is so much beauty that wants to seep out from you, but the toxic weeds hold you back.

These weeds feed your fears, they feed your insecurities, they feed your worries.

Yet, they bring some sort of odd security..

They keep you enveloped in a safe, but familiar place.

You know it serves you nothing, takes life’s beauty away..

You know these weeds have collected over years,

But, as years add up…

You know it is time to finally change.

The flowers were, at at a time, small buds.

The weeds grew faster and took up more space. The weeds felt normal.

But, as your flowers grew, the weeds began to leave and stop growing.

It feels so scary to you, so new…

Your thoughts begin to blossom in a way that serves you rather than the yells and threats of the weeds.

What do you do? How can you release yourself?

You realize that all you have to do is,

To allow yourself to grow.

And with a deep breath, you finally let…it..go..

 

This is something I wrote after having quite the emotionally touching day.

I rolled out my mat and decided which yoga practice I would do today. Lately, I’ve been in love with Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube. I used to think I only liked Ashtanga yoga, but after really getting into Vinyasa I ADORE it. My body really loves the flow of Vinyasa and Adrienne has the best approach to yoga that I am consistency striving for: Finding What Feels Good as she says. I catch myself saying that so much now in day to day life and in a way it has become one of my mantras. I chose to do a flow based on the mantra “I love” and I had no idea what kind of emotions it would bring. Then, it started and she said to say the mantra “I love myself” and I just lost it…

Tears filled my eyes as I kept repeating the words “I love…myself.” Three simple words that moved me more than I could imagine. I tell myself so many different mantras like “I am strong” or “I am powerful”, but none have moved me as much as this one.

I know I am not the only one who has spent so much of their life hating themselves. Maybe not to that extreme for some, but always finding so many things wrong rather than the right, rather than just accepting. Never in my life have I allowed myself to love me. I never remember looking in the mirror and saying “Yeah, I love myself.” Never. It’s either been hatred or just “Meh.” This doesn’t even have to pertain to only looks, it can pertain to any aspect of your life where you do not allow yourself to love you or what it is you do, what you create.

In the beginning, it felt so strange and scary to say, so unfamiliar, but by the end of the practice, I was in tears and it felt SO DAMN GOOD. It’s as if my body was waiting so long to hear those words. So long…

Is yours, too?

It’s not that those words will magically transform me, but they broke down the first wall among many. I think that saying those three simple words to myself each day will eventually set my soul free. It will allow me to just let go and let my heart guide me rather than my suffocating weeds..

If that was all too spiritual for you, don’t think of it that way. Find what works for you.

Just close your eyes, take a deep breath, say “I love myself”, and see what happens…feel what happens…let it vibrate within you. It’s terrifying, I know…but, that is okay. Truly.

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